Potty Talk

Many people have written emails asking questions about every day life here in Bagram.  I am dedicating the majority of this weeks post to answering those questions.

Do you have community showers?

Luckily we do have private showers.  Each bathroom has four showers and there are two bathrooms on our floor.  So there are eight showers for roughly 140 men.   To conserve time and hot water there is a combat shower rule. The picture is worth a thousand words, mold and all.  The showers are alright but shower shoes are a must!  I am not sure that sitting on the wooden bench with your naked behind would be a good idea either.

Splinters are the least of your concerns if you sit on this bench.

Do you have normal bathrooms?

To borrow wording from our politicians, it depends on what you mean by normal.   Afghan toilets are a cross between the Asian hole in the ground you squat over and the regular American toilet.  They are about 14 inches off the ground so you end up in a modified upright birthing position.  There have been days after doing lower body workouts that I almost needed to call for backup to extricate myself from the throne.   They are very low and if you can’t complete your business in less than three minutes you can guarantee numb legs when you stand up. 

   One of the most offensive gestures in Afghanistan and in many places in this part of the world is to offer someone your left hand.  If young children show left hand dominance they are trained to use only their right hand. The left hand is considered the dirty hand.  Why you ask?  Well, it is used to clean one’s self after using the bathroom.  Why would anyone do that?  I asked myself this question when I first learned about this . . . . and then I tried Afghan toilet paper.  There are two types that I have encountered. The first is two-ply heavy duty 100% recycled tree bark that removes not only what ails you but several layers of skin to boot.  If I ever get a cold and blow my nose repeatedly with this stuff I will come home with a nose like Michael Jackson.  The second type is of the crepe paper variety 5/8-ply that ends up creating more dreadlocks than doing any good, most of the time you end up using your hand after completing the first stroke anyway.  Given these two options it is no wonder the locals just cut out the middle man and use their hand.   It is a small wonder that they sell baby wipes at the base store and they can’t seem to keep them in stock. 

How low can you go?!

Don't let the English writing fool you this stuff is horrible!

What is the food like?

   You can imagine that cooking for 50,000 people would be challenging.  There is usually food anytime you want it and usually as much of it as you can eat that being said usually one plate is more than enough.  There are five different DFACs, which is military for dining facilities.  Some people swear that some are better than others but I have yet to notice a significant difference.  For breakfast you can get powdered eggs made any way you like as long as it is scrabbled.  You also can eat as many hard boiled eggs as you would like, just plan on 90% of the egg white coming off with the shell.  You can always get turkey sausage, bacon, and biscuits with deep fried hash browns and your choice of oatmeal or grits.  They do have soy milk which is what I normally go for because the ‘cow’s milk’ is that long shelf life milk. Woof!  They usually have a pretty good selection of breakfast cereal and fruit too.

   Lunch typically looks a lot like what you had for dinner the previous day with a poor disguise.  Typically it will be a beef or lamb dish, some variety of chicken, instant mashed potatoes, a veggie, and salad with your choice of light Ranch or French dressing. 

   Dinner is the most variable although it varies in predictable ways.  Some nights you can get lasagna or spaghetti with stale toasted hot dog buns with a sprinkling of garlic powder.  Every Friday is steak and shrimp night.  I am told it used to be steak and lobster night but with the budget cuts . . . you know.   Sunday night is usually French toast night with a mystery topping.  I have had strawberries foster and have heard of bananas foster.  You can usually count on some sort of pie and some pretty good ice cream for dessert.  Occasionally they will prepare an Afghan dish and those are typically my favorite.  All in all the food is very good albeit lacking in variety.    

You are required to wash your hands before every meal, not a bad idea.

Fresh fruits and veggies are always available, they aren't always ripe but they are available.

Buckets-o-chicken

Making the rounds. 

This was one of the Afghan dishes that was pretty tasty.  Most of you know I don't eat much meat so it has to be good for me to eat it.  This rice dish had lamb in it.

My soy milk, cabbage and leftover surprise. Our typical lunch fare.

This is actually what I had for dinner tonight.  It is Sunday so we had French Toast Bananas Foster style  plus rice and red beans, asparagus, and potatoes.  Nice medley of flavors.

  

What is your schedule like?

   We have been ordered by the wing general to work 84 hours a week.  This means that you work a twelve hour shift every day or you do a 24 hour shift once a week and get the following day off.  We do the latter.  Our shifts go from 6:30am-6:30pm.  There are two anesthesia providers that cover the night shift.  Four of us are on during the day.  Usually there are between 0-6 scheduled cases each day divided between our three rooms.  You also have the potential to get trauma patients at any time.  Patients that are too complex for the smaller surrounding hospitals also come to us.  I would say that about 80% of our patients are local nationals.  We spend a lot of time during the day sitting in our small office watching TV, reading, listening to music or watching movies.  If nothing is going on we are allowed to leave the hospital for short intervals and run get a haircut or pick up something from the base store.  When our shift is over we can go work out or go to exercise classes.  If you are feeling particularly daring they have salsa dance classes, country western classes, ping pong or chess tournaments.  There are several movie theaters on base where you can watch pretty new movies.  I typically go to bed at about 9:30 so I can be up at 4:45.

This is the anesthesia office.  We had an early morning mortar attack and we all had to report in and wait for the all clear.

There is a set of bunk beds in our office for the night shift.

This is our med room in the office.

A game of Risk during some down time.  This is the hall in front of the ORs.

This is the Afghan Baazar.  It is a lousy picture. There are booths of crafts and local wares.

Walking around the hospital I discovered where they keep the search and rescue vehicles.  Certainly no messing around in this puppy.

There is a gazebo on the hospital roof where you can see the surrounding base and the mountains.  The mountain in the right side of the picture is 20,000 ft high.  

Closer shot of the mountains.

Air Rescue helicopters next door.

The flight line.

They have these huge trucks that come and pump out the septic tanks and then they burn the waste.  Pretty smelly any time you walk past them.

    

What is the church like?

   I am a member of the Kabul Afghanistan Military District.  I attend the Bagram Afghanistan Branch.  There is a chapel on base where we have our meetings.  There are two different times for sacrament meeting to accommodate all schedules, a 10am and 8pm meeting.  There is a branch president that is an American civilian contractor and both of his counselors are active duty military members.  I typically attend the 8pm meeting and there are between 25-30 regulars.  I am told there is at least double that during the morning meeting.  There are members from all over.  We have a sacrament meeting with one speaker and then have a Sunday school lesson.  On Monday’s there is a FHE group that meets.  There is a very special feeling in the meetings I have attended.  It is cool and amazing to think that the church has branches in the Middle East.  There are lots of opportunities to serve and get involved.  I am speaking on the life of Christ the week of Christmas.  I am looking forward to talking about the life of the Savior while I am living as close as I am likely to be to where He actually was born, lived and walked. 

    This experience is difficult but it is an incredible opportunity for personal growth on many levels.  I can feel myself being stretched and pulled as I grow.  I want to end with a quote my mom sent me this week. It is from Brigham Young,  he said that “the Prophet (Joseph Smith) progressed toward perfection more in thirty-eight years because of the severe tribulation through which he successfully passed than he would have been able to do in a thousand years without it."  Difficult times are a gift to us from God, they help us to progress and grow in ways that we could not otherwise.  I am grateful for this refiner’s fire.  Have a great week. Love you all. Hug a Veteran for me!